Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
