I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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