I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
