I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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