Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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