either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You need Xanax blowdarts
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Randomize
