I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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