Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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