I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
