Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
