doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
