Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
