i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
