Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
