she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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