Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
