Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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