sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I wish i was in the wii world.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
