my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
