a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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