His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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