wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
