i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
