I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
