I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I love you. Go after that dick
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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