I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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