Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
two words: eviction party
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
