I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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