none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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