whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
