so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
