Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
