I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
