Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
