He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
