i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
