I wish you could order shots online.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
