wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Randomize
