Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
