He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
