the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
