i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
