somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I deserve this hangover.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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