Well apparently he's into motor boating.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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