God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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