Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
