I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
