Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
