Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
