Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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