Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
