im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
