just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
