actually, I'm a sock model
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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