Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
