Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
My liver just had a heart attack.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
how does that bad decision feel?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
