someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
