Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
