We're like a lot better than the average bears
What did we do last night that was yellow?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
