honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
