I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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