Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
