I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
