Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
should my penis look like a turkey
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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