the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
