I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
