Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
