yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Sorry my hands just texted you
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
