Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
