It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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