just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
