I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
