after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
try to milk me bitch
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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