the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
