corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
