i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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