my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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