Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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