Will you blow on my dice?
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
