I'm going to jail i love you
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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