In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
