I just cut my nipple shaving
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
