chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Randomize
