Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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