WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
