I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
