whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
