i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
