you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
