have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
