haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
