oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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