you have to choose: penises or morals?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
