And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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