Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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