Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
