Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
