YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
